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A Look Inside Maz’s Brain

I don’t really know who I want to be,

So stop asking me.

EXPLICIT LANGUAGE WARNING

here’s the thing, about being me.

shitty things have happened to me.

and no, not like “i failed a test once” shitty

but like call-the-cops-oh-my-god-are-you-alright shitty.

due to these horrible things, my brain can only take so much.

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. Here is one thing that bothers me so much.

– Touch. Don’t fucking touch me.

Please, if i don’t touch you first, I can’t be touched.

It triggers bad memories and it freaks me out.

I always wonder about if things were different, you know?

Like, if my dad didn’t leave me, i wouldn’t have abandonment issues.

and if i had never met Layal, would i even be depressed?

If Layal had told someone about Michael, would she still be here?

If I hadn’t ridden the bus that day, would i be okay?

If I had stayed back with my friends to talk, would he’ve hurt someone else?

I ask myself these questions everyday, but i know i can’t change anything.

everything sucks.

and everything will continue to suck unless you have a positive outlook.

but how can i be optimistic when all of these things have happened?

these are questions for my therapist.

bye bye.

12 thoughts on “A Look Inside Maz’s Brain

  1. Man, that was really deep. I don’t know you or anything, but I just want you to know that you’re probably a great person, and I hope the memories of the past can fade away as you make new, good, memories.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Someone’s gotta be in a world where so many people aren’t. Thanks for that, you actually just helped me with something I’ve been having trouble with recently. Self worth. And the fact that someone who’s been through a lot thinks I’m nice, now that make me feel like something; like someone.

        Like

      2. Self worth should never be a problem for anyone (look at me, i need to take my own advice honestly) ever since what happened, i’ve started to see the beauty in everything. You seem amazing and although i don’t know you all that well i’d say that you are an exceptional human being

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Btw, I like your blog a lot, so I followed it. 🙂 If possible, spread the word about my small blog to make it more popular! Thanks again, and gave a great day!

        Like

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