I don’t really know who I want to be,
So stop asking me.
EXPLICIT LANGUAGE WARNING
here’s the thing, about being me.
shitty things have happened to me.
and no, not like “i failed a test once” shitty
but like call-the-cops-oh-my-god-are-you-alright shitty.
due to these horrible things, my brain can only take so much.
I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. Here is one thing that bothers me so much.
– Touch. Don’t fucking touch me.
Please, if i don’t touch you first, I can’t be touched.
It triggers bad memories and it freaks me out.
I always wonder about if things were different, you know?
Like, if my dad didn’t leave me, i wouldn’t have abandonment issues.
and if i had never met Layal, would i even be depressed?
If Layal had told someone about Michael, would she still be here?
If I hadn’t ridden the bus that day, would i be okay?
If I had stayed back with my friends to talk, would he’ve hurt someone else?
I ask myself these questions everyday, but i know i can’t change anything.
and everything will continue to suck unless you have a positive outlook.
but how can i be optimistic when all of these things have happened?
these are questions for my therapist.