A Look Inside Maz’s Brain

I don’t really know who I want to be,

So stop asking me.

EXPLICIT LANGUAGE WARNING

here’s the thing, about being me.

shitty things have happened to me.

and no, not like “i failed a test once” shitty

but like call-the-cops-oh-my-god-are-you-alright shitty.

due to these horrible things, my brain can only take so much.

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. Here is one thing that bothers me so much.

– Touch. Don’t fucking touch me.

Please, if i don’t touch you first, I can’t be touched.

It triggers bad memories and it freaks me out.

I always wonder about if things were different, you know?

Like, if my dad didn’t leave me, i wouldn’t have abandonment issues.

and if i had never met Layal, would i even be depressed?

If Layal had told someone about Michael, would she still be here?

If I hadn’t ridden the bus that day, would i be okay?

If I had stayed back with my friends to talk, would he’ve hurt someone else?

I ask myself these questions everyday, but i know i can’t change anything.

everything sucks.

and everything will continue to suck unless you have a positive outlook.

but how can i be optimistic when all of these things have happened?

these are questions for my therapist.

bye bye.

12 thoughts on “A Look Inside Maz’s Brain

  1. Man, that was really deep. I don’t know you or anything, but I just want you to know that you’re probably a great person, and I hope the memories of the past can fade away as you make new, good, memories.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Note on The Backpack

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s