*you walk into a vacant space. The room may be empty of people and most other things, but there is cake and balloons scattered about. It looks like a holiday of some sort. You sit down and start to eat the cake…with your hands, because screw the rules.*
Right now i’m living, but i’m in this super weird state of mind. I wasn’t happy yesterday per usual, and i’m still messed up from ‘somewhere’, but at least i’m alive, you know?
I don’t know if this is just me and only I am the recipient of this odd feeling, but have you ever felt kind of numb? Have you ever felt on the borderline between emotions? I don’t know how I ought to explain this to you all, but i’m going to try. It’s kind of like a limbo in between feelings-where you for the most part don’t feel anything at all. Emphasize the ‘for the most part’, though. It’s really weird, so maybe post if you’ve ever felt this so I don’t feel so weird about this…haha. Oh, and if you’re a klutz, feel free to comment below so we can share stories of embarrassing falls.
Anyway, that’s not my point.
It feels like a void-nothing, numbness, but there’s just a little bit of something there. To envision it, it looks like faint rays of sunlight shining through a dark room.
Oh well. It’ll pass eventually, and I can’t wait for that time.
On a different note, I’m getting emotional listening to Heart Hope by Oh Wonder. I love that group now, which is funny because I didn’t even know who they were a week ago. How I found about them was that I had a Dodie Clark playlist open, and she had covered Oh Wonder’s song, Drive. When it got to that cover, I was about to go and switch it off to another one of her songs, but I stopped and listened. Had I not done that and searched the original and started looking through what the band had posted, I wouldn’t have even found out about them. It’s funny how life happens sometimes.
Even when it gets hard, please try to be happy. It feels good to talk to others about it, so if you’re struggling, it may help. “I know it hurts sometimes but you’ll get over it you’ll find another life to live i know you’ll get over it…so when you’re caught in a landslide, i’ll be there for you”. Another Oh Wonder song.
Have wonderful lives, everyone.
*a crackling record player is on a table where you’re standing. You can dimly hear the words:
A higher self deep within
Cause I need something more than everything
A higher self, a higher self
I know we’ve gotta outgrow and feel a little heart hope”*